Falling in love is not the end of the story

Camberwell-based writer Megan Nolan’s new book Acts of Desperation is the opposite of a romance novel, writes Alexandra Warren.

The story follows an unnamed narrator, whose life is teetering on the edge of control when she meets beautiful and cold Ciaran at a party.

But unlike most storybook romances, the relationship doesn’t provide solutions, redemption, or even enough love to fill the hole inside her.

Ms Nolan said: “Pretty naturally we tend to approach the times we fall in love as though they’re going to make the rest of our lives okay.

“It’s not that I think it’s a bad thing to fall in love, but I think it’s a bad thing to believe that you’re just sorted now and that’s the end of the story.”

It’s certainly not the end of this story, which charts the relationship from shaky start to its bitter end, examining every ugly facet of each character in excruciating detail.

Ms Nolan said: “The situation wasn’t set up as the victim and the aggressor but rather about both of their ugly behaviours, which are very different.

“His is more about withholding, intentional ignorance and not giving her any emotional reception and her ugly behaviour is shrill and manipulative.”

As well as her difficult romantic relationship, the narrator also has a complicated relationship with alcohol, food and her friends.

She said: “With all of those things, they’re sort of coping methods, because she feels alienated from the rest of the world and to some degree she doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life.

“Food, drinking and sex are all things that take place in the moment so I think they’re all related in that way that their immediacy helps her to get away from what’s really troubling her.”

The idea of portraying an obsessive, unhealthy relationship was the starting point for the book. In 2016, when she started the novel, Ms Nolan had been thinking about situations that her or friends of hers had been in, which were inexplicable from the outside.

She said: “I wanted to go inside of that dynamic, I suppose, and try and explain it as a situation to people to whom it does seem completely mystifying.”

Ms Nolan, who is from Waterford in Ireland, started the book while staying in Athens, living off of a small arts bursary.

After completing about a quarter of the novel in Greece, she returned to London where she worked on it in her spare time, in between temp jobs and other writing work.

Acts of Desperation was published in March to positive reviews, despite booksellers being closed.

Ms Nolan said: “Since things have opened it’s been nice because it was a bit isolating to experience it all while alone in my flat.

“Meeting booksellers and meeting readers has been really nice.”

She is currently working on her second book, set in the 1990s in South-east London and focusing on media interest and family relationships following a fictional crime.

Main Pic by Lynn Rothwell: Megan Nolan