Woman speaks out after escaping her abusive partner as domestic violence surges during lockdown

By Tara O’Connor, Local Democracy Reporter

A Croydon mum has opened up about her experience of escaping an abusive partner who pulled a knife on her during the coronavirus lockdown.

Katie (not her real name) was emotionally manipulated, beaten and raped by her partner of five years before she managed to get away a couple of weeks ago.

“It was one night that he held the knife to me, I thought ‘what’s going to happen if he kills me, no one is going to look for me,” she said.

“I decided that when he went to the next big Tesco shop I would leave.”

Katie had been put in touch with the Family Justice Centre in Croydon towards the beginning of the lockdown after she called the police one night following a particularly abusive incident.

She spoke to an advisor when she went shopping – the only time she was away from her abuser.

And it was this support that made her realise how bad the situation was and that leaving was an option.

“My advisor told me to get our passports and my children’s birth certificates and pack a bag – some things I just wouldn’t have thought about,” said Katie.

“She said the police were going to come and get me and sent me through all the safety plans.

“I was brought to a safe location and given a new phone because he’d installed a tracker on mine.”

Living in lockdown with her partner was the trigger to get out for Katie.

She said that previously she felt she could cope because her partner was at work during the week.

“Because of the lockdown everything got a lot worse, my anxiety went through the roof,” said Katie.

“When he goes to work and stuff I just relax a bit, but when he was at home I knew he was stressed at work I could feel my stomach churning.

“That’s when I would do something that he would find ridiculous. He sometimes wouldn’t even need to start shouting or hitting me for me to know that today he is not in a good mood so I had to just lay low.”

Her partner’s behaviour first became controlling when they moved in together more than two years ago.

“It is only now when I look back that I realise it was a process that he started to isolate me,” said the mum-of-two. “He made me believe I had mental health issues.

“He didn’t like my mates so I started falling out with my friends, I didn’t know how to even explain the story to anyone.”

The couple had children together and Katie’s partner installed a tracker on her phone so he knew where she was at all time.

She said: “It was almost like since I had the baby it got a whole lot worse, he would get really angry, he would hit me because I might not have done things the right way.

“He would want to have sex sometimes when I didn’t want to.

“Once I lost the last family member or friend, that’s when it was like I was in hell.

It is all so recent for Katie but she wants other people to know about the help that the FJC can offer.

“I would say there is such amazing help out there I don’t think enough people know,” she said.

“They were genuinely understanding, it was like I had one of my mates back.

“I never thought about getting help before but I am so grateful that I got her, I just really, really did trust her. She did get me out.

“It doesn’t need to be horrendous, that he’s broken your bones or you get raped every night to get help.

“We always think it is not that bad but I think you do that as a survival method, if I knew a long time ago the help I could get I would have left.”

Katie is now taking life one step at a time and said it was the small signs of independence that she was noticing, like being able to choose the milk she likes.

“I am in this Covid bubble, we’ve already got that focus on trying to not catch the disease, but when I was in that house that was the least of my worries,” said Katie.

“Now when I go to the shops I feel like I can get what I want.

“I haven’t thought very far ahead yet but I know I have options now.”

In six weeks – mostly during lockdown – police were called to 562 reports of domestic abuse offences in Croydon – equivalent to 13 a day.

Troubling statistics also show that in the six weeks up to April 19 there were 200 domestic abuse arrests – almost five a day – in the town.

The FJC does not share its address but can be contacted on 020 8688 0100.

More information can be found here.

Those needing support outside of the centre’s opening hours can call the free 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Hotline on 0808 2000 247 or in an emergency, call the police on 999.

Pictured top: Picture posed by models